Sunday, September 25, 2011

"I'm 100x More Humble Than You'll Ever Be!!" \(^o^)/

I've posted many times about movies and music and such but these past few posts have been more personal stuff. With these I hope you guys get a better idea of the type of person I am.

I'm kind of arrogant. I'll put that out there as a statement of fact. And if you ever meet me you'd figure it out pretty quickly anyway. Not quite cocksure I'd say, but arrogant.

And I like it. <( ̄◡ ̄)>

I wouldn't say I'm overly prideful either. I don't think I'm better than you and you. Is this confusing? I'm trying to think of how to put it into words...

Basically, it's like, I'm one of my own favorite people.
Yeah, I suppose that's the best way to describe it. The feeling has an inward focus. I think to myself, "Man, who wouldn't want to be my friend?" but not a "Hah, why would you want to be his friend? You should want to be mine instead. *sneer*". Not like that. Mine is not the arrogance of someone who belittles everyone around him. I prefer to surround myself with friends and that's really not a good way to make nor to keep them.
A friend once told me this is how she thinks I see myself. It's utterly true.

I'm an awesome person and I have awesome friends. Like calls to like, does it not?
And I don't hesitate to tell them this. (Both that I'm awesome and that they are too.) The feeling is rather circular, I'll admit. I'm awesome so, of course, I'd make friends with awesome people. These awesome people want to be my friends so, of course, I must be awesome, too."

I guess you could say I possess an over-abundance of self-esteem.
From whence does this fountain of positive energy spring? After all, I haven't done anything awe-inspiring in nor with my life yet. I've never saved a mother and child from a burning fire. I've never held a dying man in my arms and comforted him as he breathed his last. I'm neither the fastest nor the strongest. I have friends who are better looking, haha! Where then? Why?

Ironically, perhaps even perversely, it's because I've been told many things to the contrary many times in my life. I've had a lot of people tell me I'm not this, not that, not good enough, not cool enough. And I took it, considered it, and now I believe them wrong. My entire life, I'll encounter a lot of people who are going to try and bring me down with scorn and derision.
People who can't do it will laugh and jeer when I fail.
People who can do it better will taunt and mock when I attempt.
There will always be people who will try to knock me down, to erode away my sense of self-worth.

I prefer to lean into the wind.