Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Room [2003] Pt.2


So anyways, following that... scene, Lisa speaks with her mother again. Turns out mother has breast cancer. This elicits no reaction from Lisa nor is it ever referred to again. Hmm. Well, I can't blame them. I don't care either! ╮(╯ヮ╰)╭
Lisa then claims Johnny got drunk last night and hit her, to which loving mother immediately replies, "Johnny doesn't drink, what are you talking about?"
Wow, mom. Furthermore, she reiterates how Johnny is her "financial security". The love and support. Overwhelming.

Next scene: two random characters seem to break into Lisa's apartment and start having more awkward sex on her couch..... uggghhh.....

My face while watching this crappery.
Mom and Lisa walk in soon after and they leave under mother's disapproving gaze and Lisa's stifled laughter. Danny bops in again to borrow some sugar and give them a reason to talk about him. Apparently Danny has no parents and Johnny has taken him under his wing. Lisa reminds Mom that Tommy Johnny is "very caring about the people in his life".
 Wait. Why are you singing his praises now? Aren't you trying to discredit him?

Suddenly, random guy bursts back into the room, ostensibly to get the book he left behind but mom sees his other hand grabbing something from under the cushion. His boxers! Oh the hilarity! Everybody has a good laugh, hoo hoo haha hee hee heh heh.
Then, in a single breath, everything turns serious again.
I... I think I got whiplash from that transition.
Oh damn, it seems Danny owes this tough guy some money!
 Turns out he bought some drugs from that guy. But it's ok he doesn't have the anymore. And it's ok about that guy too cuz he's going to jail. Yep. Everything's hunky dory.

My face when I notice this movie isn't even halfway done yet.
Some yelling, some screaming. More nonsensical dialogue. They all go home. D'aaawwwwww.

Cut to Mark on the phone with Lisa. Oh noes, Lisa still has feelings for him. My my, how will this go down, hmm? Mark rebuffs her though. Seems he may be a decent friend after all.

The scene @38:00. Oh dear. Oh my. Such- such bad acting. Such hollow emotion.... I just might get an aneurysm from this....

Mark and Johnny have a heart to heart on the roof. At first Mark seems to try and hint to Johnny that he should watch Lisa more closely. Then he seems to hint that he will steal Lisa from him. Johnny repeatedly affirms his trust and love in both his best friend and fiance. Oh, this couldn't be foreshadowing anything, no way. By the way, that change in undertone comes only from the sinister music that plays when he reads his lines. Without it he could easily have just been talking straight. Gee, the last time I saw a movie starring characters so wooden they needed the music to act for them was Lost in Space [1998]. But that's another post.

Mark takes off before revealing anything, bumping into Danny on the way out! Danny has something to say! He's in love with Lisa!
[See above face]
Johnny gives a few trite words about love and friendship and the world. He trusts Danny and he trusts Lisa! YAY!!
Wow. He took that well. Then Johnny asks about some girl who we haven't seen and won't get to see ever, Elizabeth, I think. Oh, Danny loves her, and after he graduates college he wants to marry and have kids with her! Apropos of nothing Danny thanks Johnny for paying his tuition and just in general being this saintly man of a man. They go to eat (hah?). And so that plot point gets wrapped up nicely. And there was much rejoicing.

Cut to that random girl. Lisa continues to spread the news that Johnny hit her. I think that story would have a little more credibility if she'd put some effort into maybe bruising herself a little.

And then we get the famous scene.


Yeah. So anyway, next day random guy, I don't think I ever learn his name, tells Johnny about his whole underwear debacle. Danny shows up and the three of them toss a football back and forth while standing 5 feet away from each other. Mark shows up and randomly bumps into Random Guy, knocking him over. The two of them leave but not before Johnny makes sure Random Guy knows that he's available to help if he ever needs him. Whatta stand-up guy, I tellya. They go home.

And that scene didn't affect the storyline whatsoever.

Cut to yet another scene between mom and Lisa. Mom suddenly has bad words to say about Johnny, for the first time (and how convenient to the plot). Lisa, whose maturity seems to regress closer and closer to that of a 6-year-old's, confesses that she slept with another man. Mom has about as much reaction to this news as Lisa had to the, breast cancer was it? That is to say, none at all. Unbeknownst to them, Tommy Johnny has overheard this from his concealed location at the top of the spiral staircase. Also there's a party tomorrow.

He decides to record them... for some reason. Fortunately, he happens to have a tape in his pocket and an answering machine on him. He hooks these up to the phone and goes upstairs..... where he meets with Friend, a new character introduced, well, without any introduction whatsoever. Johnny proceeds to ask for advice (but doesn't get any). He wants to give Lisa a second chance, because "you know wat they saaay. Laahve is bliind." God, his clotted accent does not help anything.

Mark shows up and proceeds to reveal to them that he has a girl but she's married but so attractive. To which Peter (that's the new guy's name) reasonably asks why he never mentioned this before. It might interest you to know that was the first sign of intelligent thought process this movie has displayed. But then Johnny asks, "Can I meet her?" And so balance returned.

I'm sorry guys.... I can only take so much in one sitting!

╰( ಥಥ▂)ノ~~~

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Room [2003] Pt.1

It's been a long time since I last posted a movie review/ synopsis. In fact, the last time I posted something with the 'movie' label was around the beginning of this month.

But my followers have spoken. Movies you shall have. But what to watch to break this fast? Hmmm.... why not the most horribifuckus movie ever made?

I'm of course speaking of The Room [2003]!!

Anyhoo, let's begin.

What the shit...


Ah fuck. This movie is some shit.... I mean some real shit. And I've seen The Poseidon Adventure (1972) so I've seen some shit, believe it.

Oh good lord. Tommy- I mean Johnny's laugh is... something. It's so stiff and... awkward. Is that Tommy's acting? Is that just how he laughs? And Danny. I don't know if he's supposed to be slow, his actor slow, or if it's just the bad writing that gives him that impression. Come to think of it that describes Johnny, too. It is a marvel of suck, really. Come to think of it that describes this movie as a whole. What an efficient boy am I!

A 'love scene' ensues. That's at least one + point for this movie. We got to see a boob.

By the time I recovered, Lisa is telling her mother about how she doesn't love Johnny anymore, to which dear mom points out how successful Johnny is doing a job we never see him do and how her best prospect in life is to marry this wealthy man who, by the way, will be getting a promotion soon. Thanks for the self-esteem boost, mom!

I got a chuckle out of this exchange though:
Mom: I'm glad you're listening to your mother. Nobody else listens to me.
Lisa: You're probably right about that, mom.
Oh, snap, son!

The plot thickens from Air to maybe a Light Fog. Lisa has an affair with Mark, Johnny's 'best friend', though I'd never have gotten that solely from their interactions on-screen. I believe this may be because Sestero (Mark's actor) doesn't have enough acting ability in him to pull this off. But please! Don't hold that against him. You try to like Wiseau, you'll see how hard it is, I promise.

Speaking of which, damn. I gotta write a few more lines quick to push that ass shot off the screen.

So it turns out successful, upwardly-mobile Johnny did not get that promotion. The bank he works for betrayed him, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked him and he doesn't care anymore. Lisa proceeds to get him drunk and we get yet another scene of pale ass and awkward humping accompanied by nondescript background music.

Ok, that's all for now. I can only take this in small doses after the long drought.

Monday, November 28, 2011

A Few Pics on the Car

I've noticed that I've neglected to provide some photos for my last few posts on this subject. Here's some pics of the fixes I've implemented.

Several layers of cardboard wadded under a few strips of electrical tape.

There's the button the door is supposed to depress.

The new starter motor! Look how shiny it is. If you don't think so, compare it to the old one below.

Yeah. Anything that comes into contact with it gets smudged with black residue.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Polls Closed... heheehe

 If you don't get the meme reference, don't worry about it.

So as Mr. Prez has told you, the results are in:

  1. Movies
  2. Relationships
  3. Thoughts
I'd like to make note that I won't stick to this schedule rigidly, however. There will be posts on other subject matters interspersed throughout, no doubt.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Starter Motor Replaced

Agh.... so just when I thought the car was finally in pleasurable driving condition I got in today and turned the key....and nothing. No sound at all.

Gorram starter died on me. Out of spite, I'm sure.

Couple hours later: replaced with a re-manufactured one and the car starts so smooth, I tell you what. Not surprised, they don't make any new ones for this old car.

When I finally reconnected the battery cables and fired up the engine I felt a satisfaction much different from getting a good grade on a test. There was a sense of accomplishment altogether unlike something abstract like finishing a long paper.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Black Friday

Ok, I'll be the first to admit that I don't know a whole lot about economics but I'll say this:

If people can still afford to buy shit, they aren't doing too bad.

That was an understatement, by the way. People in America are complaining because they have less, not because they have nothing.

Fixed Door.. Sorta

So I solved the Door Ajar problem. Not electronically, mind you, but mechanically. Disconnecting that wire would have required that I remove the junction block to access the Body Control Module and that's just too much trouble for now. I padded the door where it makes contact, correction: should make contact, with the sensor switch so that it no longer triggers whilst I'm driving.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


There will, in fact, be no labels on this post because nothing really fit. It ain't random. There is no question, no personal story, no thoughts, etc.

EDIT: There is now a label.

Instead I'll just leave this here while I wait for the poll results to settle.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A Crossroads

Ok, guys. So today I want to check with you peeps, my readers. Which would you like to see me post about in the coming days:

A) Some thoughts about the world (Warning: there will be rants)
B) Some posts about movies (Warning: there will be rants)
C) Some thoughts on relationships, and probably tell you some things about my first gf (Probably no rants here)

The poll will be up on the sidebar to the left.

Monday, November 21, 2011

A Personal Quote

I came up with a quote in high school that I had attached as my email signature for a long time. I haven't used it for years but I'll share it with you guys today.

There are two kinds of people I do not trust: one is a liar, the other a saint.

Indubitably cynical but fairly sound I think.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Rear View Mirror

Ya know what? I've always wondered what that tab on the rear view mirror was for. While reading through the vehicle owner's manual I found a passage calling it "Night-time Mode" to reduce headlight glare. I thought, "Huh? How does that work? When I flip this tab the mirror aims up into the ceiling, man. That is not useful...." But then I gave it a try last night and it worked! Oh hohoho, so that's what the horizontal corrugation inside the mirror was...

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Van Pics

Today I was surprised to learn that the Chrysler corporation closed down their Plymouth brand a full decade ago. No more Plymouth Voyagers. Ever.

As promised, I present pictures of the van.

The Interior

You can see Ding Dong hanging on the ledge there.
Check out the cutting edge TAPE player, man!! State of the art sound system right hee-ah!
Someone bought an alligator skin pattern steering wheel cover. I can't get it off....

These days the headlight controls and the windshield wiper controls come together on the stick there. This car still has the headlight buttons on the separate panel, see?
The instrument panel is completely devoid of electronic displays. It's all old school meters here.
A handy storage unit in the center.
In case you were curious what that device was: my mp3 player, a Zen X-Fi from Creative. Not an iPod. Also, yes, I'm listening to K-pop.
In case you were curious what that reflection was: my camera, a Panasonic DMC-TZ4 with wide-angle lens! The 福 sticker doesn't come with. (O_<)
Under the steering column. Somewhere to the top left is the fuse block and behind that is the Body Control Module which I'll have to tinker with to disable that Door Ajar sensor.

The Exterior
The left rear tire is missing its hubcap. How unsightly....

The high contrast caused by the sunlight hides a lot of the blemishes on camera. You might be interested to know that this happens to be a common technique used by girls when taking their own Facebook profile pics. What trickery, eh?
This minivan is the mid-level SE model of Voyager.
From this angle the car looks slightly longer than true.
Here's a good angle where you can clearly see the paint blemishes on the hood.
The roof is actually pretty ok. That rust needs to come out though.
 And there you have it. First car worthy, certainly.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Found It!

Found the source of the 'Door Ajar' problem. It wasn't the sliding door in my case, Bonjour Tristesse, it's the front passenger door. It isn't loose in the lock but the sensor disengages sporadically. Fortunately, this means I don't have to accept the klaxon. If I open and and shut the door (in a safely parked location, naturally) the light goes off. For a while, at any rate. I'm going to look into shorting the sensor.

An Overheard Conversation

At the local library renewing a book and I overheard this one.

"I don't have a computer at home."
Oh, you're so lucky. I prefer to come here and get things done, like that. *snaps fingers*
"It got a virus..."
Oh..... too bad.

What a dumb fuck.... True 1st-world idiot right there. Oh, you're so lucky you don't have this evil time-wasting diversion called a personal computer.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


So the car and I have been getting a feel for each other and it's actually not too bad. Not as responsive as the newer van we have, for obvious reasons. It's a Honda Odyssey, by the way.

Spent a few hours today cleaning up the interior even more, throwing out trash left in there by Baby and mom. I'm sure they won't miss it. (⌐⌐.) (.¬¬)

It ain't sparkly clean but it's better. The worst thing is that a door sensor somewhere is malfunctioning, such that the 'Door Ajar' alert comes on intermittently for no reason. It gets annoying, man. Real annoying.

Almost as annoying as this guy.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Truly End Times....

So my dad's been nudging me to play Battlefield 3 for a few days now.

Man. What a topsy-turvy world when one of my parents is telling me that I should play a video game....

It is odd though. I really stopped playing video games when I left for college. You'd think that without parental supervision and over-seering I'd have played into the wee hours of night and morning. Instead I went to bed at reasonable (relatively) hours so I'd wake up in time to go to classes I was interested in and hang out with people.

Anyhoo, short post. This game is fun, damn it.

I never noticed that 6-bit 'jingle' I guess you'd call it, until I read the Wiki article on the series.

Monday, November 14, 2011


So I bought two tires to replace the worn front pair on the van yesterday. I was surprised by how dramatically different the tread depths were when compared side by side. Mmmm, that's some nice traction right there. The rear tires will remain old and worn for now though.
Let me put my best tires forward!!!!

So with a shiny new windshield and two sparkly firm tires my dad took it down to get a state inspection and it passed!


Pics later. Be warned, the paint job and interior look perfectly suitably beat-up to serve as a "first car".

Sunday, November 13, 2011


I'd like to make it known that I do not intend to make the 'double post every other day' my new pattern. My aunts came down to visit the uncle (the one who was in the hospital) and I didn't get reliable and adequate access to internet for a while.

In other news they brought a portable electric radiator heater with them. I don't know about you but I've always believed radiators to be terribly inefficient heating elements. It relies purely on natural convection currents to spread heat around the room. This has always left me in a cold room with a large and cumbersome block that is hot/warm to the touch. AND NOTHING ELSE. Good for nothing but heating a pair of socks I'd lay across the top. THESE AREN'T RADIATORS, THEY RADIATE NOTHING! If anything these devices should be called convectors (I am unsure if this is an actual word but I'll say it anyway).

Is it just me? Did I just have a bad set, as it were? It can't be that radiators are just universally inefficient like this, right?
Note: When I say inefficient I don't mean the ratio of energy input to air temperature conversion. That is to say, radiator heaters may be perfectly non-wasteful with the energy put into operation but if it only heats the air by a few degrees I remain unsatisfied.

In my experience ceramic heaters and parabolic heaters are the best for doing what I want out of a heater: making me warm. The parabolic heater is great when I just need to heat my one self but it doesn't warm the air much. Therefore, the ceramic fan heater earns my top spot.

Yeah, I just posted about heaters cuz it's cold here. Lord Stark was right. Winter was coming.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Piles of Leaves

Have any of you jumped into a pile of leaves? This is an act of "fun" that I hear white people like to partake in. Could one of you explain the appeal to me? By "you" I don't mean white people, I mean my readers.
I imagine there are lots of bugs and dirt in that pile of rotting organic matter. Is it deceptively fluffy? And any advice in the spirit of "You gotta try it to get it" will be noted asinine.

Annoyance #1: Stale Joke

I present to you a new series of things that annoy me. A list of pet peeves if you like. That is to say, certain things of no real consequence that evoke a disproportionate amount of dissatisfaction on my part. There exist a great many wrongs of significance that urk me but these do not rank among them. This I will grudgingly admit.
When people with birthdays that land on leap years say they're only 1/4 of their age, e.g. "I'm only 5 years old." This is retarded. Regardless of the infrequent occurrance of the day of February the 29th, another cycle of 365 days has passed since your birth. People born on leap days merely have their birthdays fall on March 1st in common years, if they so choose. They can properly say, "I've only had 5 birthdays" perhaps, but they better have forfeited those intervening common year celebrations to earn this privilege. The absence of a 4/29 date on which to celebrate does not magically keep your age in stasis. Celebrate it or not, you've gotten older, punk.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Old Music

On the topic of older tunes, I once found a nice /co/ thread on 4chan in which someone shared the list of licensed songs from Bioshock. Throughout the game you encounter phonographs playing music from the 30s, 40s, and 50s. Man, that was some good music.

♫Don't Know Where, Don't Know When~♫

Hot damn, guys (yeah I missed a day but that's beside the point)!!!

As you may well know, I love Salad Fingers. It's one of my favorite things in existence but only just today did I find out where that song lyric came from.

Yeah, ok, I had thought it was just a random crooning from mister Salad Fingers' fractured mind so it never occurred to me to Google it.

And I've seen Dr. Strangelove. (%__)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Finally Watching That One Movie

So you all should have gotten the impression by now that I love to heap scorn on remakes and crappy new stuff. Well, I do make an effort to watch/read that crappy new stuff so I know what I'm talking about when I rant about 'em. I can't appreciate when people talk bad about Twilight but have never actually read a page or crack jokes (unless they're clever, in which case they may get a pass) about Dragonball: Evolution without watching it. Yeah, I can't demand that everyone spend their time doing that stuff but in a way I feel like it's akin to joking about or hating on, for example, Muslims but never actually having met or even seen one. Or even bothering to do any research about their differences.

And osmosis through popular media doesn't count, naturally. (- -_)

Any ways, back on topic: the other day I finally got to watch Full Metal Jacket [1987] in its entirety. Yeah, it's been on my list for a long time. Over a decade, in fact. But after years of small YouTube clips of famous scenes from the movie I found it on TV and got to see the whole thing. Scratch one haha.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Needs Re-calibrating (>~<)

The past three nights I've had an unusually noticeable lack of traction when running in my dreams. It is as if I were trying to run through a liquid. I know, I know, "Why not just fly since you can anyway?" Well, sometimes I like to walk. On the ground. Ok? Makes me feel normal. hehe

These last few sessions weren't the first occurrences but I definitely took more notice of it than I have before. I was stalking the halls of the elementary school I attended. You know, the stuffy Catholic one. Unfortunately, the building had been drastically renovated since I'd last been inside. (Both in the dream and in real life. In both respects.) The ceilings aren't high so I suppose that factored into my decision to hotfoot it out of a sticky situation rather than take off. And then the very air betrayed me. Its viscosity became as syrup or perhaps a dense pool. Mercifully, breathing remained unaffected. Still, every step took a valiant effort and when I tried to speed my stride I would QWOP over backwards. How frustrating.

Maybe I'm turning my Floatiness setting too far down, hmmm?

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Well That Was Anti-Climactic

I expected something to happen since all the /b/-tards were looking forward to November 5th so much, but, alas, the day passed without incident.

(- -____)

On the plus side, the mods created a wonderful thread on Friday for dance gifs.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Fevered Dream

I'm happy to say that I haven't gotten sick in a long time. I take this as a sign that I'm leading a healthy lifestyle.

I can't remember the last time I had a high fever but when I do I always have the same trippy dream.
I'm in my room, the lights are off but there's enough ambient light to see. The room is always the one I'm actually asleep in, handily enough. I have a tightly rolled sleeping bag balanced on a needle. The bag is spinning rapidly and I have to balance it on that needle. The bag spins faster and faster and starts to pulsate and a freight train noise fills the room. (The sound I imagine a tornado would make, though I've never actually had the experience.) The pulsating sensation is probably the pounding fever.

And that's that. Yep.

Huh. This single post spans three of my Top Categories. Fancy that.

Friday, November 4, 2011

A Few Ways to Tell You Are the Bad Guy

  • You restrict access to information.
  • You burn books.
  • You ban books.
  • You mistreat people who disagree.
  • You rewrite history.
  • Your followers are bad guys.
  • You discourage free thought.

Thursday, November 3, 2011


Looking through 9gag yesterday and I found this one:

Hahaha poor, sad, pitiful 9gaggers.

Good thing I have you guys, eh? (^____^)-b

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Driving Level Up

So you know how you know when you've really gotten comfortable driving? When you feel like people who are driving at speeds less than or equal to the speed limit are going too slowly.

When I first started to learn I had a similar reaction to this guy:

How I Met Your Mother - Barney Learns to Drive
Get More: How I Met Your Mother - Barney Learns to Drive

Not really but I sure enjoyed acting like that while I could.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Can't Let the Holiday Go Unnoted Can I?

This was my costume last year. Man, it's been a year already.....

Props to you if you know who this is.

For the curious, that's a gym mat propped to the left there, a towel hanging on a door hook over my shoulder and a photograph of cherry blossoms in Tokyo above a light switch on the right edge.