Saturday, February 25, 2012

Sometimes Boyfriend

Although S-girl spent most of her time overlooking my flaws I am aware that I had them.

Without false pride, I will say that when put my mind to undertaking a task I have enough skill to be able to do that thing at least adequately with practice. But you know me. When asked I'll probably assert my prowess with a bit more bravado than quite warranted. (^^|||)7

The one exception would be relationships. With a full comprehension of my own personality, I will admit straight out that I am not really good boyfriend material.

I can be sweet, tender, loving, attentive, and other such good words... but only when I want to be. You might be thinking, "Well, that's not unusual. I can be all those things, too, if I want to be." Well, good for you, but if you have a sig. o. I hope you want to be those things on a relatively stable schedule for her sake.


Unfortunately for S-girl, all those nice adjectives can apply to me but I need two more: inconstant and capricious.

My cheery disposition, happy-go-lucky attitude, or whatever you want to call it, drew her to me in the first place. That part of my personality shines steadfastly. However, my desires are decidedly mutable. Not to sound like Charlie Sheen, but when I feel like doing something, I generally pop up and do it. When I don't feel like doing something that I don't really have to... well, then it sucked to be her. It sounds bad to say but I didn't always want to be her boyfriend while we were going out. I do some crazy stuff sometimes and I didn't always feel like S-girl had it in her to keep pace with me. Sometimes I felt like she just got in my way. I'm not talking about things like drinking and partying, though she definitely couldn't run with me in that respect either.

Here's a pic taken from the top of a construction crane at night. Crept into the site, jumped over building materials, slid under barriers and finally climbed the crane to take this shot. UVa has a beautiful campus but most people matriculate and graduate without ever seeing this side of it. Shame.
That light on the right isn't the sun, it's the UVa hospital floodlight for helicopters.


S-girl wasn't very athletic. She worked out (- -___) to stay healthy-ish but that's not the same thing at all, you know?

I have no illusions that this could somehow be a common requirement for most guys when choosing a gf but, personally: I really want my girl to be able to jump on a table.
Is that a strange thing to imagine? The word is dynamic, man.

I want my girl to run, to jump, to kick, to live. To have a vitality that bursts from her spirit such that it's almost like the Earth can't hold her and she'd fly. I can dream, can't I? heh. (^^_____)

S-girl never took runs around the neighborhood, instead she'd run on the elliptical trainer. I know all about the physiological benefits of using that piece of equipment rather than actually running, but I don't care about any of that. Something about that choice of exercise encapsulates a bit of the essence of S-girl's spirit, the part of her that I found unacceptable, almost repugnant.

She was running in place.

Repugnant might seem like a strong word, and definitely a contrast to all the positive stuff I've been telling you guys about our times together, but it is the perfect word for my feeling. The very act is contrary to my nature. Ugh. /(≥﹏≤)\

If I had to characterize the two of us with Greek natural elements I'd say I was Air and she was Earth. Coincidentally, I'm a Gemini (mutable air sign) and she's a Taurus (fixed earth sign). I don't really give any of that astrology stuff much stock, though. (I'm a snake, I say, a snake!)

I've already told you how our relationship was uneven, she wanted us to be together way more than I did. We were unbalanced in another way, too. She wanted to be more like me, but I definitely didn't want to be more like her. I'm usually in good spirits, she's inclined to be melancholy. I'm friendly and out-going. She's more introverted and quiet. In a lot of ways, she reminded me of myself back in the day, no? But that's not a good thing. I was not in a good place in that day, I tell ya.

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SO there you go, guys. Finally, some negativity up in here.


14 comments:

  1. You can be negative? I was starting to lose hope. Hey how about that I can have hope. I can understand how you would feel about her running in place, but while I mostly use a stationary bicycle I have no real desire to stay in place. I'd like to be able to see and do everything I put my mind to. I'd like to one day be able to climb a crane and take a picture like that. It's just not me right now though. I'm not even sure what I'm getting at. I'm tired.

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    1. Everyday you can say, "I'd like to X one day. Just not right now" and one day you'll wake up to find yourself dead. Out of time.

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  2. that's weird. I always thought it was you who's the sad and loner type..

    what do you mean exactly with "jump on the table?"

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    1. NO WAY, MAN. I'm hardly ever sad. Ever!

      I mean to leap from the floor onto a piece of furniture, like a table. Not onto plates of food or anything heinous like that.

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    2. Also, it takes a certain amount of physical fitness and control to be able to do it. I need that, too.

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  3. Well, it's making sense that it didn't work out now.

    Also, those girls exist. Dreams can come true, but be careful man. When you get one that just jumps on the table, you might be all "okay, maybe a little less than this."

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    1. I'm not looking for clinically-declared insanity here, just a willingness to do no matter the oddity of the action.

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  4. It's hard to find the right person!

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  5. I'd echo what D4 says...be careful what you wish for. In my experience girls like that are very highly strung and very high maintenance...as least my wife is

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    1. I don't think you got a good grasp of what I'm picturing. My definition of a girl who is "very highly strung and very high maintenance" is a girl who gets upset when a single strand of her hair-do falls out of place, whose facial skin hasn't been touched by the sun directly in years, a girl who doesn't break 3mph moving through the air unless she's inside an enclosed vehicle of some kind. Definitely not words that could describe a girl with the vigor and zest for life that I am thinking of.

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    2. 3 miles per hour is the average walking speed of a human being.

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  6. Wow, you must be extremely o_o athletic to do that!

    And from reading this its safe to assume, opposites attract but don't always last huh? D:

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    1. Ah ha. ha... I actually have a Draft about that adage. I wasn't attracted to S-girl's opposite-ness. I'll just say that right now.

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