So anyways, following that... scene, Lisa speaks with her mother again. Turns out mother has breast cancer. This elicits no reaction from Lisa nor is it ever referred to again. Hmm. Well, I can't blame them. I don't care either! ╮(╯ヮ╰)╭
Lisa then claims Johnny got drunk last night and hit her, to which loving mother immediately replies, "Johnny doesn't drink, what are you talking about?"
Wow, mom. Furthermore, she reiterates how Johnny is her "financial security". The love and support. Overwhelming.
Next scene: two random characters seem to break into Lisa's apartment and start having more awkward sex on her couch..... uggghhh.....
|My face while watching this crappery.|
Wait. Why are you singing his praises now? Aren't you trying to discredit him?
Suddenly, random guy bursts back into the room, ostensibly to get the book he left behind but mom sees his other hand grabbing something from under the cushion. His boxers! Oh the hilarity! Everybody has a good laugh, hoo hoo haha hee hee heh heh.
Then, in a single breath, everything turns serious again.
I... I think I got whiplash from that transition.
Turns out he bought some drugs from that guy. But it's ok he doesn't have the anymore. And it's ok about that guy too cuz he's going to jail. Yep. Everything's hunky dory.
|My face when I notice this movie isn't even halfway done yet.|
Cut to Mark on the phone with Lisa. Oh noes, Lisa still has feelings for him. My my, how will this go down, hmm? Mark rebuffs her though. Seems he may be a decent friend after all.
@38:00. Oh dear. Oh my. Such- such bad acting. Such hollow emotion.... I just might get an aneurysm from this....
Mark and Johnny have a heart to heart on the roof. At first Mark seems to try and hint to Johnny that he should watch Lisa more closely. Then he seems to hint that he will steal Lisa from him. Johnny repeatedly affirms his trust and love in both his best friend and fiance. Oh, this couldn't be foreshadowing anything, no way. By the way, that change in undertone comes only from the sinister music that plays when he reads his lines. Without it he could easily have just been talking straight. Gee, the last time I saw a movie starring characters so wooden they needed the music to act for them was Lost in Space . But that's another post.
Mark takes off before revealing anything, bumping into Danny on the way out! Danny has something to say! He's in love with Lisa!
[See above face]
Johnny gives a few trite words about love and friendship and the world. He trusts Danny and he trusts Lisa! YAY!!
Wow. He took that well. Then Johnny asks about some girl who we haven't seen and won't get to see ever, Elizabeth, I think. Oh, Danny loves her, and after he graduates college he wants to marry and have kids with her! Apropos of nothing Danny thanks Johnny for paying his tuition and just in general being this saintly man of a man. They go to eat (hah?). And so that plot point gets wrapped up nicely. And there was much rejoicing.
Cut to that random girl. Lisa continues to spread the news that Johnny hit her. I think that story would have a little more credibility if she'd put some effort into maybe bruising herself a little.
And then we get the famous scene.
And that scene didn't affect the storyline whatsoever.
Cut to yet another scene between mom and Lisa. Mom suddenly has bad words to say about Johnny, for the first time (and how convenient to the plot). Lisa, whose maturity seems to regress closer and closer to that of a 6-year-old's, confesses that she slept with another man. Mom has about as much reaction to this news as Lisa had to the, breast cancer was it? That is to say, none at all. Unbeknownst to them,
He decides to record them... for some reason. Fortunately, he happens to have a tape in his pocket and an answering machine on him. He hooks these up to the phone and goes upstairs..... where he meets with Friend, a new character introduced, well, without any introduction whatsoever. Johnny proceeds to ask for advice (but doesn't get any). He wants to give Lisa a second chance, because "you know wat they saaay. Laahve is bliind." God, his clotted accent does not help anything.
Mark shows up and proceeds to reveal to them that he has a girl but she's married but so attractive. To which Peter (that's the new guy's name) reasonably asks why he never mentioned this before. It might interest you to know that was the first sign of intelligent thought process this movie has displayed. But then Johnny asks, "Can I meet her?" And so balance returned.
I'm sorry guys.... I can only take so much in one sitting!