Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Room [2003] Pt.1

It's been a long time since I last posted a movie review/ synopsis. In fact, the last time I posted something with the 'movie' label was around the beginning of this month.

But my followers have spoken. Movies you shall have. But what to watch to break this fast? Hmmm.... why not the most horribifuckus movie ever made?

I'm of course speaking of The Room [2003]!!

Anyhoo, let's begin.








What the shit...


{3 MINUTES, 44 SECONDS IN}

Ah fuck. This movie is some shit.... I mean some real shit. And I've seen The Poseidon Adventure (1972) so I've seen some shit, believe it.



Oh good lord. Tommy- I mean Johnny's laugh is... something. It's so stiff and... awkward. Is that Tommy's acting? Is that just how he laughs? And Danny. I don't know if he's supposed to be slow, his actor slow, or if it's just the bad writing that gives him that impression. Come to think of it that describes Johnny, too. It is a marvel of suck, really. Come to think of it that describes this movie as a whole. What an efficient boy am I!

A 'love scene' ensues. That's at least one + point for this movie. We got to see a boob.
SUDDENLY
AHHHHHH.......
MINUS.
MINUS.
MINUS.
MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NAHTHING.

By the time I recovered, Lisa is telling her mother about how she doesn't love Johnny anymore, to which dear mom points out how successful Johnny is doing a job we never see him do and how her best prospect in life is to marry this wealthy man who, by the way, will be getting a promotion soon. Thanks for the self-esteem boost, mom!

I got a chuckle out of this exchange though:
Mom: I'm glad you're listening to your mother. Nobody else listens to me.
Lisa: You're probably right about that, mom.
Oh, snap, son!

The plot thickens from Air to maybe a Light Fog. Lisa has an affair with Mark, Johnny's 'best friend', though I'd never have gotten that solely from their interactions on-screen. I believe this may be because Sestero (Mark's actor) doesn't have enough acting ability in him to pull this off. But please! Don't hold that against him. You try to like Wiseau, you'll see how hard it is, I promise.

Speaking of which, damn. I gotta write a few more lines quick to push that ass shot off the screen.

So it turns out successful, upwardly-mobile Johnny did not get that promotion. The bank he works for betrayed him, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked him and he doesn't care anymore. Lisa proceeds to get him drunk and we get yet another scene of pale ass and awkward humping accompanied by nondescript background music.

Ok, that's all for now. I can only take this in small doses after the long drought.