American Sniper [2015]

I took the movie as a work of fiction. As such I liked it because of it's portrayal of the detrimental psychological effects that war has on soldiers. I'd put it on par with The Hurt Locker for depicting war in such a way that it did not glorify the violence and for its focus on soldiers coming back with PTSD.

On the other hand, from what I've heard about the real Chris Kyle, if this movie had been based on his book and told from his perspective it really would have been a jingoistic propoganda piece with none of the conscience and self-reflection that Bradley Cooper gives the character.

Disney Movies - Frozen [2013]

Finally went and saw it. I went on a Wednesday afternoon to avoid families and was rewarded for my good planning: completely empty theater. I got the best seat in the house (dead center row & column) and settled in to finally enjoy the vehicle for my current favorite song.

Disney Movies - Saludos Amigos [1942]

The next six movies in the Walt Disney Animated Classics series are collections of more than one short film each. Disney wouldn't go back to big feature films until safely after the end of WWII with the release of Cinderella [1950]. None of the movies since Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs had done very well financially because of the ongoing war in Europe. (War on home soil tends to put a damper on movie-going.) I've never heard of any of these except this one and the next one, The Three Caballeros [1944], because they were mentioned in my high school history class. In the early 1940s, the U.S. government was worried about the spread of fascism from eastern Europe into Latin America. To promote goodwill between between the U.S. and its neighbors, the State Department appointed Walt Disney as an ambassador to travel south with an entourage of his studio peeps to make a film about South American culture. Ain't history cool?

Disney Movies - Bambi [1942]

Ohohohohoho, yes, that's right. I NEVER WATCHED BAMBI. Not in English, not in Canto, not in any language. I just went through childhood and missed it. I think I was sick the day everyone watched it in grade school.

Disney Movies - Dumbo [1941]

I don't want to start off negative but the first thing I noticed was a definite drop in production value compared to the previous three films. I'd say the art and animation quality of Dumbo is closer to a run-of-the-mill TV episode than a feature film.

Disney Movies - Fantasia [1940]

Not really one of the well-known Disney classics. Even if you were to mention "Fantasia" to someone they'd probably think of Fantasia 2000 [1999] instead.

Disney Movies - Pinocchio [1940]

Actually, that soundtrack tape I thought I had for Snow White? I think it was actually some kind of Disney Song Collection instead because now I remember listening to "When You Wish Upon a Star" on that tape along with songs from the other Disney movies.

Disney Movies - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs [1937]

So that whole Frozen [2013] thing has started a Disney/Pixar movie watching spree. I hadn't known that Pixar has only released 14 feature films to date. (o_ô ) What a time for me to have gone through childhood, I've seen most of them! On the other hand, Disney Animation has released 53 so far and I actually haven't seen a good many of them. Would it surprise you to know I've never seen such classics as Bambi [1942], Dumbo [1941], or Peter Pan [1953]? And I've only ever seen The Little Mermaid [1989] and Cinderella [1950] in Cantonese! On a VHS tape, no less. I have never heard those classic songs in English.

Post-Apocalyptic

Today my brother pointed out that I like post-apocalyptic stuff "too much".
I retort that I like it just the right amount: "lots".

You can make any kind of story set in regular times. There's a virtually unlimited supply of resources out there in a pre-apocalyptic world. That ain't interesting! But in the aftermath of an end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it scenario people will have to survive by scraping up the remnants of civilizations decadence. Bullets will be in finite supply since the factories and advanced manufacturing technology will have been destroyed. Clean water will be scarce. That's a cool premise! Movies like The Book of Eli [2010], books like H.G. Wells' The Time Machine, and video games like Fallout get me in a special way because of these little details.

The Dark Knight Falls... Flat On His Face

Watched The Dark Knight Rises [2012] yesterday. It was a mess. I don't know what that movie was trying to say. Isn't this the same Gotham that contained convicts that refused to blow up citizens on the other boat and vice versa? Isn't this the city that's "full of people ready to believe in good"? Well, apparently they really do get along with convicts just fine. To the point of shooting at cops with assault rifles and charging to meet them in battle like some kind of medieval engagement. The final street battle was all kinds of retardation and contrivance, by the way.

Apparently all it takes to make people repudiate Harvey Dent, their white knight, is for a masked madman to read from a ream of papers which he claims to be the true story of Dent's demise written by the police commissioner. That doesn't even sound likely even though it was true.

And Bane's character. Besides the use of the name 'Bane' he really had nothing to do with the Batman universe character of that name. They never made note of any strength-enhancing drugs, a hallmark of the character. He also wasn't a massive person at all. He was of above-average stature at best. He only sporadically exhibited any measure of 'super-human' strength. Without the name I'd have thought he was just an above-averagely strong man the entire movie.

Catwoman's character never really got any development. I think they just needed a pretty face and a happy ending for Bruce.

At the end of the film John Blake (Gordon-Levitt) reveals his legal name is 'Robin John Blake'? Not Dick Grayson? I was disappointed at that.

And, of course, Bale's "Batman voice" is still as ridiculous as ever. It seemed like everyone knew Bruce was really Batman and yet, when in costume, he'd still talk to them using that voice.

Blog Title

It isn't hard to figure out but those of you who still don't know what my blog's name means, or never gave it any thought, here's your last clue.

I Need Some Horror

You guys ever heard of Metro 2033? The game came out about 2 years ago. Post-apocalyptic setting. What is it about post-apocalyptic that is so interesting? Is it the idea of our massive population and the bloated society it maintains coming down all around? The 'picking up the pieces' among the ruins simpler existence?

I wanna play this game. ~( O___O)

I'm feeling the craving for some good fear.

The background track will probably sound familiar to you. I like to call it the '28 Days Later theme'.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

So I recently perused my local public library and noticed a book titled, "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist". I hadn't realized the movie was an adaptation.

Book was better. Natch.

Also, the movie was alright. But then I discovered and read the book. Now I see that the movie kinda sucks if it is to be considered an adaptation. Nick wasn't a pussy who grows a spine. Well, ok, I guess if you're going to cast Michael Cera in your movie, your character, whoever he may be, is going to turn out to be a pussy who grows a spine, but that's beside the point. Nick from the book is just a guy who needs to get over a broken heart. Nick from the movie is... Michael Cera.

Tris isn't a total cheating bitch. She turns out to be a decent friend to both Nick and Norah. Doesn't happen in the movie. She's just a cookie cutter jackass.

The movie lost so much of what made the book a good read. This is one of those instances when I wonder why they even bothered to purchase rights to make an adaptation rather than just making a movie. No one would have recognized where it "came" from anyway with how mutilated the story is anyway.

LOTR and The Matrix

I've always thought of these two film trilogies as a sort of twin pairing:
The Matrix trilogy - Masterpieces of science fiction cinema.
LOTR trilogy - Masterpieces of high fantasy cinema.

Since I'm going to delve into the Matrix films in depth later on I won't waste text talking about them here.

Like any true Tolkien fan, I read the books long before the Peter Jackson films started development. And as a fan, I must say that Jackson did an excellent job with the material. Too often you get film adaptations that are mediocre at best. "The book was better" is a common mantra when it comes to dealing with those types of films. In this case I was supremely pleased to see that they weren't just some cash grab endeavour. I mean, look at that! Three books => three movies. You remember when The Fellowship of the Ring [2001] came out and everyone noted that it was a whopping three hours long? But then you went and saw it and didn't even notice? You came out of the theater and the sky was black and you thought to yourself, "Whoa, its been three hours?" That was me.
I have no doubt that if it were to be released today the studio would have decided to cut it in half and double their ticket sales.
That's not a dig at Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, by the way. Sometimes its beneficial to have two movies rather than try to cram everything into one package.

I love The Matrix for making me think. The LOTR series doesn't have all those metaphysics and ontology issues. What it did was make me feel and make me love these characters. The movies did the same.

Sometimes I feel a sadness for Tolkien fans who died before they ever saw these movies. They missed out on something beautiful.

Drive [2011]

Yeah, haven't seen this tag in a while have you? Nevertheless, here's a movie for ya.

Drive was an odd one for me. As a whole it came across as slow, meditative; qualities I really like in my movies, man. Ryan Gosling played his stone-face character very well and the delicate romance he built up with Carey Mulligan worked, too. Opinions on that are mixed but I liked it. Granted, they didn't really have much of what you'd call 'chemistry' but I feel like that was fine. You know or should expect that our boy wasn't going to end the film driving off into a sunset with his girl. The piece just doesn't have enough sunshine in it for that to happen. It doesn't end tragic but it's no Disney either. And that is no insult.

The odd thing is that, despite possessing all these plus points in my book, I wouldn't go so far as to say I really like this movie. Yeah. Strange. It almost seems tailor made for me in some ways. Driver (he has no name) seldom spoke, something I love in my characters, dunno why. He kicks some serious ass without seeming like he has a character shield on. (TV Trope yourself a little if you are unfamiliar with that term.) And yet, my enjoyment of the film never rose any higher than the bar set by the opening sequence, which was amazing by the way.
Check it out:



Again, that's not to say the film was bad by any means. That was a high bar.

Upcoming Matrix Trilogy Discourse

By the way, I'd first like to reassure you guys that I haven't forgotten my intention to do a watch-along of the Infernal Affairs trilogy [2002-2003] and a comparison review of The Departed [2006], nor has my rage concerning the latter diminished in the slightest. Just so's ya know.
=============================

Recently, I was FB chatting with a friend about something or other when the topic of The Matrix came up. Oh, wait, I remember. I happened to be watching part of the Animatrix, "World Record" at the time.

You know how I'm filled with boundless rage when it comes to some things like stupidity, ignorance, racism and bad storytelling? Well, when it comes to The Matrix an opposite reaction occurs. You must understand that when I say, "I love the Matrix" this is a massive understatement. The Matrix is one of the foremost reasons why I am glad to have lived beyond the 90s. Not that I'm suicidal, quite the opposite, in fact. While I firmly believe that decade to have been one of the greatest in the history of movie and television pop culture, The Matrix restored my faith in a future that could hold new wonders. Never before had such deep philosophical material been presented in such... palatable form for the masses.

And yet. There were those who saw it as nothing more than what it might seem: an action movie. An exercise in cutting-edge special FX. Or some who just missed the point altogether. My friend in question- you know what?
I have yet to give her an alias, despite having mentioned her on several occasions! Drumroll please. Henceforth she shall be known as Z-girl. So shall it be. <(￣_￣)>

Remember this?

She said she remembered it mostly being about "man vs machine". Oh, dear. Ya know, it is very strange. I've told you before about how she has some kind of immunity to making me angry. Well, the glasses thing made me annoyed but this incident almost tipped me over the edge. Good thing we were only FB chatting so I had an opportunity to filter my response hahahaha. I believe I still got out something like, "You want Man vs. Machine? Go watch Terminator!!" or some such. In person there would have been expletives. Name calling. And other inflammatory remarks.

So, yeah. Look forward to it, guys. If you didn't like The Matrix or thought it was dumb, go die in a fire. Cheers!

The Room [2003] Pt.4

This is it. This madness has gone on long enough.

A needlessly long sequence of Mark and Johnny running through the city wastes some more of my life. Next we find mom and Lisa talking again. About what, you ask? What else? The two of them rehash the same topic every time they meet. What is the point of these repeated, pointless scenes?

Cut to a birthday party for Johnny. Dear lord, he really did just write this movie to vicariously experience things he'd otherwise never enjoy.

Later on, after the guests have left, Mark and Lisa start doing it on the couch again. A random character, not that other guy, don't worry about it, catches them and confronts them. Mark storms out. Random #2 yells at her a little, managing to mention that Johnny's "very sensitive".

Cut to another social gathering of some kind. Johnny announces to everyone that he and Lisa are expecting a child! Yay!! Somehow it's still his birthday. And oh snap, Lisa confesses to her Random Girl and Random #2 that there's no baby. She just said that to "make things interesting".

Wow. What a bitch.

At one point in the conversation Lisa tells them they worry too much about her, to which Random Girl retorts, "We're not worried about you, we're worried about Johnny." The masturbatory nature of this screenplay becomes ever clearer.

Mark later demands to know if the baby is his. Lisa refuses to answer his question and slaps him. Johnny intervenes and they scuffle awkwardly.  He immediately apologizes and takes Lisa outside to have a word. We don't get to see what they spoke about. Cut to Lisa and Mark slow dancing together. Johnny comes over again and confronts them, scuffling with Mark again. I'm confused. Is he or isn't he angry?

After a little more awkward scuffling and decrying his friends for betraying him and tricking him and not caring anymore he walks off.

God damn.

Ending: Johnny kills himself, Mark, Lisa and Danny sob over his corpse.

Jesus fuck, that was horribifuckus. Yes, horribifuckus.
 
-------------------------------
In other news, I'm going to be out of town in a few hours and won't be back til Monday. There probably won't be posts til then. Also I didn't want to post a separate post saying so. The last time I did that it threw off my one-a-day post count. In fact, I want to remedy that now.

The Room [2003] Pt.3

This will be the end, for either myself or this movie! (سಥ益ಥ)س

So the scene with Mark, Peter and Johnny continues. They talk about random events, past and future, in what I can only assume is an effort to 'broaden' the world they're living in. Furthermore, the sheer awkwardness of all three 'actors' makes their line reading hackneyed and offbeat.

Johnny, apropos of nothing, goes into the kitchen to make them something to eat and conveniently leave the scene. Lisa and Danny enter. Mark totally nonchalantly exits, followed closely by Peter. Didn't they just say they'd like to eat something? What assholes. It turns out they go up to the roof, separately. Apparently, Peter went somewhere before happening to encounter Mark on the roof. He confesses that he's had an affair with Lisa. Peter advises him to find another girl and never see Lisa again because she's "a sociopath, she only cares about herself, she can't love ANYONE". Wow. You flipped on your friend real fast there, Peter. I wonder what you have to say about Johnny when he isn't around. Meh. Probably nothing the rest of us wouldn't agree with.

Cut to everyone dressed up in tuxedos, presumably to get ready for the wedding. But no. They go back to tossing around the football. Come on guys, didn't this turn out so well last time? And Peter falls down in short order. They 'go home', Johnny's favorite activity. Coincidentally, this is Tommy Wiseau's favorite method of scene transition.

Next scene, Mark and Johnny meet for coffee. Wait. Wasn't there a wedding? What happened with that? Why'd everyone put on the tuxedos? Why is Mark suddenly clean-shaven? (He is.)

Here's a snippet of their conversation:
Mark: How was work today?
Johnny: Oh , pretty good. We got a new client. At the bank. We make a lot of money.
Mark: What client?
J: I can not tell you. It's confidential.
M: Aw come on. Why not?
J: I can't anyway how's your sex life?

(ಠдಠ)
Ca- can I use that smooth segue in my next conversation?
And I swear, as Johnny leaves he says, "Ok doggy, bye~". Either he's trying to be 'hip' or Tommy got confused what scene he's doing in his own convoluted screenplay.

Cut to Lisa pulling Mark upstairs. Mark, ever clueless, asks, "What's goin' on here?" In addition, he re-emphasizes that Mark is his "best friend", a fact that he whips out for any excuse or none.

[Another long bad sex scene]

[Another pointless piece of stock footage of San Fransisco]

Johnny and Mark run through the park tossing a football. You know what? I think this movie was just an excuse for Tommy Wiseau to try and simulate having friends to play football with, tell him what a great guy he is and to get naked and hump a girl. Yep. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

Cut to Mark and Lisa getting it on AGAIN. Fortunately, a knock interrupts them. Mark has difficulty getting his contraption shirt back on. Instead of waiting, Lisa invites whoever is knocking to come in.
For one thing, what if it was Johnny? For another, why did they knock? No one has bothered to do so up til now in this movie, why start now?
It's random girl! The one who came in to have sex with random guy that other time. (They didn't knock before entering that time either.) She takes the scene of her friend having an affair rather well. For that matter, everyone in this movie seems to take troublesome news unusually well. What happened to that breast cancer, by the way?

Goddamn, this movie isn't over yet.

These are for you, Tommy. 凸-(ಠ_ಠ)-凸

The Room [2003] Pt.2

ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH!!! ~~~( Д≧≦)9

So anyways, following that... scene, Lisa speaks with her mother again. Turns out mother has breast cancer. This elicits no reaction from Lisa nor is it ever referred to again. Hmm. Well, I can't blame them. I don't care either! ╮(╯ヮ╰)╭
Lisa then claims Johnny got drunk last night and hit her, to which loving mother immediately replies, "Johnny doesn't drink, what are you talking about?"
.
.
.
Wow, mom. Furthermore, she reiterates how Johnny is her "financial security". The love and support. Overwhelming.

Next scene: two random characters seem to break into Lisa's apartment and start having more awkward sex on her couch..... uggghhh.....

My face while watching this crappery.

Mom and Lisa walk in soon after and they leave under mother's disapproving gaze and Lisa's stifled laughter. Danny bops in again to borrow some sugar and give them a reason to talk about him. Apparently Danny has no parents and Johnny has taken him under his wing. Lisa reminds Mom that Tommy Johnny is "very caring about the people in his life".
 Wait. Why are you singing his praises now? Aren't you trying to discredit him?

Suddenly, random guy bursts back into the room, ostensibly to get the book he left behind but mom sees his other hand grabbing something from under the cushion. His boxers! Oh the hilarity! Everybody has a good laugh, hoo hoo haha hee hee heh heh.
Then, in a single breath, everything turns serious again.
I... I think I got whiplash from that transition.

Oh damn, it seems Danny owes this tough guy some money!
 Turns out he bought some drugs from that guy. But it's ok he doesn't have the anymore. And it's ok about that guy too cuz he's going to jail. Yep. Everything's hunky dory.

My face when I notice this movie isn't even halfway done yet.

Some yelling, some screaming. More nonsensical dialogue. They all go home. D'aaawwwwww.

Cut to Mark on the phone with Lisa. Oh noes, Lisa still has feelings for him. My my, how will this go down, hmm? Mark rebuffs her though. Seems he may be a decent friend after all.

The scene @38:00. Oh dear. Oh my. Such- such bad acting. Such hollow emotion.... I just might get an aneurysm from this....

Mark and Johnny have a heart to heart on the roof. At first Mark seems to try and hint to Johnny that he should watch Lisa more closely. Then he seems to hint that he will steal Lisa from him. Johnny repeatedly affirms his trust and love in both his best friend and fiance. Oh, this couldn't be foreshadowing anything, no way. By the way, that change in undertone comes only from the sinister music that plays when he reads his lines. Without it he could easily have just been talking straight. Gee, the last time I saw a movie starring characters so wooden they needed the music to act for them was Lost in Space [1998]. But that's another post.

Mark takes off before revealing anything, bumping into Danny on the way out! Danny has something to say! He's in love with Lisa!
.
.
.
[See above face]
Johnny gives a few trite words about love and friendship and the world. He trusts Danny and he trusts Lisa! YAY!!
Wow. He took that well. Then Johnny asks about some girl who we haven't seen and won't get to see ever, Elizabeth, I think. Oh, Danny loves her, and after he graduates college he wants to marry and have kids with her! Apropos of nothing Danny thanks Johnny for paying his tuition and just in general being this saintly man of a man. They go to eat (hah?). And so that plot point gets wrapped up nicely. And there was much rejoicing.

Cut to that random girl. Lisa continues to spread the news that Johnny hit her. I think that story would have a little more credibility if she'd put some effort into maybe bruising herself a little.

And then we get the famous scene.

 

 

Yeah. So anyway, next day random guy, I don't think I ever learn his name, tells Johnny about his whole underwear debacle. Danny shows up and the three of them toss a football back and forth while standing 5 feet away from each other. Mark shows up and randomly bumps into Random Guy, knocking him over. The two of them leave but not before Johnny makes sure Random Guy knows that he's available to help if he ever needs him. Whatta stand-up guy, I tellya. They go home.

And that scene didn't affect the storyline whatsoever.

Cut to yet another scene between mom and Lisa. Mom suddenly has bad words to say about Johnny, for the first time (and how convenient to the plot). Lisa, whose maturity seems to regress closer and closer to that of a 6-year-old's, confesses that she slept with another man. Mom has about as much reaction to this news as Lisa had to the, breast cancer was it? That is to say, none at all. Unbeknownst to them, Tommy Johnny has overheard this from his concealed location at the top of the spiral staircase. Also there's a party tomorrow.

He decides to record them... for some reason. Fortunately, he happens to have a tape in his pocket and an answering machine on him. He hooks these up to the phone and goes upstairs..... where he meets with Friend, a new character introduced, well, without any introduction whatsoever. Johnny proceeds to ask for advice (but doesn't get any). He wants to give Lisa a second chance, because "you know wat they saaay. Laahve is bliind." God, his clotted accent does not help anything.

Mark shows up and proceeds to reveal to them that he has a girl but she's married but so attractive. To which Peter (that's the new guy's name) reasonably asks why he never mentioned this before. It might interest you to know that was the first sign of intelligent thought process this movie has displayed. But then Johnny asks, "Can I meet her?" And so balance returned.



I'm sorry guys.... I can only take so much in one sitting!


╰( ಥಥ▂)ノ~~~

The Room [2003] Pt.1

It's been a long time since I last posted a movie review/ synopsis. In fact, the last time I posted something with the 'movie' label was around the beginning of this month.

But my followers have spoken. Movies you shall have. But what to watch to break this fast? Hmmm.... why not the most horribifuckus movie ever made?

I'm of course speaking of The Room [2003]!!

Anyhoo, let's begin.

What the shit...


{3 MINUTES, 44 SECONDS IN}

Ah fuck. This movie is some shit.... I mean some real shit. And I've seen The Poseidon Adventure (1972) so I've seen some shit, believe it.

Oh good lord. Tommy- I mean Johnny's laugh is... something. It's so stiff and... awkward. Is that Tommy's acting? Is that just how he laughs? And Danny. I don't know if he's supposed to be slow, his actor slow, or if it's just the bad writing that gives him that impression. Come to think of it that describes Johnny, too. It is a marvel of suck, really. Come to think of it that describes this movie as a whole. What an efficient boy am I!

A 'love scene' ensues. That's at least one + point for this movie. We got to see a boob.

SUDDENLY

AHHHHHH.......
MINUS.
MINUS.
MINUS.
MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NAHTHING.

By the time I recovered, Lisa is telling her mother about how she doesn't love Johnny anymore, to which dear mom points out how successful Johnny is doing a job we never see him do and how her best prospect in life is to marry this wealthy man who, by the way, will be getting a promotion soon. Thanks for the self-esteem boost, mom!

I got a chuckle out of this exchange though:
Mom: I'm glad you're listening to your mother. Nobody else listens to me.
Lisa: You're probably right about that, mom.
Oh, snap, son!

The plot thickens from Air to maybe a Light Fog. Lisa has an affair with Mark, Johnny's 'best friend', though I'd never have gotten that solely from their interactions on-screen. I believe this may be because Sestero (Mark's actor) doesn't have enough acting ability in him to pull this off. But please! Don't hold that against him. You try to like Wiseau, you'll see how hard it is, I promise.

Speaking of which, damn. I gotta write a few more lines quick to push that ass shot off the screen.

So it turns out successful, upwardly-mobile Johnny did not get that promotion. The bank he works for betrayed him, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked him and he doesn't care anymore. Lisa proceeds to get him drunk and we get yet another scene of pale ass and awkward humping accompanied by nondescript background music.

Ok, that's all for now. I can only take this in small doses after the long drought.